05 Aug Women in Business: Lean In? Lean Out? Stand Up Straight! A Male Perspective – Part VI

Lessons from “Downton Abbey’s” Lady Mary Crawley

I admit to being somewhat addicted to the wonderful PBS series Downton Abbey. In the early 1920s, the fictional Lady Mary (played by actress Michelle Dockery above) inherits a 50% stake in the sprawling English manor of her ancestry. Always bright but somewhat engrossed in the opulent but increasingly anachronistic aristocratic lifestyle, Mary, an unexpectedly widowed single mother, discovers a strong business sense and determination in helping her family run the estate. At a time when most of the English manors were crumbling under financial ruin as their farmlands became less productive and valuable, Mary works to make the Crawley estate remain viable and successful.

Why talk so much about Lady Mary? Well I’ve always had a fascination with the British monarchy and the whole lords and ladies thing. But that aside, at a time when women were still expected to be in the home raising children, Mary is seen cleaning up pig slop, having tough meetings with the men and getting her way. The show does highlight the beginnings of change as the suffrage movement began to take hold and focuses on changing times and the strong resistance thereto.

Sadly, nearly 100 years later, there remain too many chauvinist men (mostly of the older generation) who still question women’s place at work. I really get frustrated by these types. Especially since most have learned not to let on that they feel this way. As a result, women are victimized often without realizing it, or having any ability to prove it, or with no legal recourse when it happens. The sad truth: until these men are gone, if you want to deal with or work for them, you have no choice but to play their game. It’s easy to say I shouldn’t have to do that, we are all equal, I shouldn’t cowtow to them, etc. But if you want to get on the good side of these abhorrent types of men, you need to accept that they live in their illusion of superiority. Rather than bold confrontation, which likely will backfire, encourage them with respect and quiet advice. And when it’s time for your voice to be heard, be calmly and professionally assertive. Lady Mary figured that out. She was always deferential to her father while still actively persuading and cajoling him. She made him feel in charge even if they were equal partners. It’s no easy task, but sadly that’s what’s necessary with this lot. For now.